Friday, December 30, 2011

I'm such a fucking waste of a human...

I haven't been updating... and I want to go to sleep soon... but yeah... life sucks. I went almost 2 months without cutting but... yeah, I knew that wouldn't last.


As far as B... he kissed me 8 days ago... then I didn't hear from him for a few days... now it seems like we don't talk as much as we did before... I mean, I might just be paranoid. I know he has work and his friends and everyones home from school for winter break. But yeah... haven't seen him since.


I on the other hand have no friends. I'm just slowly wasting away. I have no new years plans, as usual. Why would I? No one wants to hang out with me. I fucking hate having no friends. I hate having no one. I hate that I'm wasting away... but there's nothing I can do about it.


I didn't have any diet pills today cause I ran out... I'm sure I'll be stocking up on more tomorrow. Maybe getting some stronger kinds cause I have Christmas money... ugh... I. My chest was bothering my yesterday. shouldn't


I'm having more frequent nose bleeds.... I used to wake up with just dried blood but it's starting to get a little worse. Still not serious though. 


I tried iron for that and the vertigo feeling every time I move but- no help.


AND I think I've got you all caught up on my shit life. It's boring. I sit around all day and click random shit on the computer. I shower. I go to the gym on occasion. I haven't been tanning in WAY too long.


It's funny... something I've noticed... my wrist just doesn't look like my wrist without a few fresh red lines on it.


Ughh... whatever. Goodnight.


DisorderYour Score
Major Depression:High-Moderate
Dysthymia:Moderate
Bipolar Disorder:Slight-Moderate
Cyclothymia:High-Moderate
Seasonal Affective Disorder:High-Moderate
Postpartum Depression:N/A
Take the Depression Test

1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry that you are feeling down Nikki. But I can relate to being paranoid about a guy, because I've been going through that lately too. And I'm not doing anything for new years either. Although I can't say I even want to right now. I hope you feel better soon. And I hope 2012 is a better year for you and me. And I know you won't believe this, but you are so not a waste of a human.

    ReplyDelete