Scattered thoughts...

There is SO  much going on right now that just forming complete thoughts is way to overwhelming (let alone writing those thoughts down).




BSB concert last night... I have no friends... mom went with me... J went to (didn't see her but I was told it was all over her facebook)... I've only wanted to see them since I was 7... I spent the night trying to hide my tears or hold them back... I did not enjoy it the way I would have if I had been with a friend...


Therapy- saw someone at home today... don't like her as much as the guy at school... seeing him tomorrow morning.


J- yeah... we still haven't talked over a month... she called... I answered...


T- not happy about me talking to J... tells me she feeds off my insecurities and uses me... tells me she's a bitch... I'm so confused...


I miss C... all I wanted was to call him... I was drinking... I made myself stop to shower... stopped drinking... I can't call him... I want to... but I can't...


Still thinking about the boy... thinking about the whole situation...


My hair is a mess... long story there... it's boring... I spent all of yesterday in funk...


This is so not even chronological...


I miss C...


I miss him so much... I was safe with him. I can't call him. I can't talk to him. He has a daughter... he's across the country.
He's the only boy I've ever cried for....


Possibly taking a leave of absence from school.... it's my only option.


Need to see if I can somehow still see the therapist on campus if I do that... I doubt it... I'll ask though...


I don't know... life is so complicated.
I complicate things.


Why am I so afraid of loosing everyone??


Fuck.