Baby Steps: Next to Nothing

I just finished reading this. It only took me a few hours last night and then a few here and there throughout today. I highlighted, took notes in the margins, the whole nine.


I found it extremely useful. Baby steps. I read a book. J was the one that got my to buy it (she doesn't know she did that though). I'm not making any promises... and I'm still not quite ready to 100% get rid of the restricting aspect of my life. But the binge, diet pill, ex-lax. That sucks. This book showed me that I'm not alone and I'm not crazy.


I'm not the only one that doesn't have a specific traumatic incident that triggered the onset of my eating disorder. And you don't need that to recover. Also, it's okay to not be ready for recovery. I mean... I know I want it one day. I wish I could find the exact quote but I don't have the time right now... at one point though she says that you may never really be fully ready for recovery. It's a scary process. 


She goes on throughout the entire book about how it's okay to fall down as long as you keep picking yourself up and trying again. She also says how the eating disorder didn't just appear overnight, so recovery isn't going to happen overnight either... it takes time. She talks about the types of therapies she's been in and her personal experiences. It is also not uncommon for eating disorder to shift. Like me, her eating disorder started off as anorexia and after treatment (the first time) she shifted over to having some more bulimic tendencies. Always a reason I am bitter about my first round of "treatment", if you can even call it that. But I guess it was either that or I would be dead already. She says that while both recovery and eating disorders are hell... recovery has a positive outcome, where all that lies at the end of an eating disorder is a coffin. Pretty straightforward. 


I love that this book isn't just about anorexia. It isn't about any specific subtype of an eating disorder, it is about all eating disorders. All the people who suffer them. It really is a book for everyone. It's great for you if you are or think you may be suffering an eating disorder, and it is also good for your loved ones or someone who needs to understand what you are going through.


Well, I have to go now. How am I feeling? Like I need to shower. I'm sore. I don't really have much makeup on... and I feel completely huge. But I'm alive. I guess that's all that matters? I have a killer headache too. But I'm gonna get going, I have dance in about an hour.


Oh, and also... once I get some money, I'm going to get some ED Recovery Workbooks to get started off. There's also one I found online, and it's not a bad price plus it gives you access to online forums and even Skype groups to work through the workbook together. Baby steps. Baby steps. Baby steps.


Hope you are all well. I know I haven't been around much this last week or so.

"As long as you breathe, there is always hope."