Boys Boys Boys

Surprisingly, we got in NO trouble with the whole car thing. I didn't get to see T that night but I did see him last night. We hung out and it was fun, I really do miss hanging out with him. I realize a little more everyday how well he really does treat me and how he's there for me even if we haven't talked in a while and I come up with these ridiculous questions to ask him about me being a bad person or not being pretty or whatever else. I remember him telling me one time that I aggravated him when I did that because he just couldn't understand or whatever. And I love that he was honest with me... and it didn't change anything.


When we went out we weren't this close. He didn't know as much about me... I just recently started letting him in. And he's cool about it. He doesn't judge me for it. He's also changed some since then and I like that. But we drove back to school together and then I went over to his place and we smoked and watched a movie with his roommates. I really really wanted to hook up with him. Like so bad. But it didn't happen. I was actually way more upset about the fact that absolutely nothing happened then I thought I would be. It was still a good night though. Hopefully we can hang out more now.


I'm planning to finally have my blacklight party in about 3 weeks. I'm not going to invite the other boy. 
A) J would freak.
B) I don't want him and T in the same place... especially with everyone drinking and especially because T knows about him and some (most) of what the situation is. No... he knows it all...


If I had to choose between the two... T really is a good guy. I mean, they both are. But T is a better friend to me right now and I know that he would never take advantage of me. He really is starting to understand me. Haha... in the car last night he goes "you have a very addicting personality". BINGO. I know that. He also told me that he thinks we're all a little insane in our own minds... which made me feel a little better about being crazy. I haven't heard from him (yet) today but I know he had work for a few more hours. 


Oh boy drama. This rarely happens. But you know what... it gets my mind off everything else in my life. I would much rather have boy troubles then everything else I'm always dealing with. I'm going to clean. This week. I have much more motivation to now. Sleepover?? Hahaa. J told me last night that my problem was that I always sleep with assholes. But really... even if that's true, it doesn't bother me all that much. 


I dunno how I feel about it. I think I'm really leaning toward T right now though. I just miss being in someones arms. Is that bad? I mean, that's not why I'm "choosing" him or whatever... I think I actually may have more feelings for him then when we went out. Cause everything was so new then... him, dating, school, everything. And I didn't open up... I never even really got to be myself, I was still very shy and had a hard time trusting anyone (I'm getting better). We just hooked up all the time. Now we actually know each other. I just wish I knew what he was thinking...


Eh... well that's it for now. 


Broccoli... hahahaa. So true. Sorry, I should explain... one of my friends calls guys that are in T's frat broccoli because they repeat on you. I've hooked up with T after we broke up... she's done the same with guys she's been with in that frat... as well as another friend of ours. So yeah... broccoli. 


Or second chances <3