My life... is a shit-show.

No more car sex with the boy. Or anyone for that matter. Having a cop knock on the window was not one of my finest moments. I could get into more detail... but I'm not gonna.


I went to another one of my friends houses after cause I didn't wanna go home and he took one look at me and goes "what did you do?" My life... is a shit-show. 


I really don't understand how I always seem to get myself into these situations. 


I could say so much... about everything... but I can't right now. I'm gonna see my "ex" tonight hopefully. I put ex in "" cause we're still friends (we don't see each other a lot tho, I haven't seen him since like Nov.)... and our relationship wasn't very long. We're a lot closer now.


I told him about how I would rather if all a guy wants is to fuck me, then they should just be a straight up asshole to my face not act all nice and like they care... and he's like, I might start bein an asshole to you just so I can get some. 


What he doesn't kno... is he would get some just being the way he has been... esp. these past few months. With him... I can be friends and still hook up and whatever... this other guy. He's gotta choose. Sex or friendship. I just can't give him both without a commitment. Yet I keep goin back to him expecting things to be different. Like somethin's gonna change. But no. I still feel like he just kinda feels bad for me. It's whatever. 


So I'm gonna go tanning and hit up the gym with J... then I'll come back here to shower and such and she's goin to dinner at her sisters around 5ish... so after that we'll meet up again... probs with T (male T is the "ex"... different from female T who's been one of my best friends since forever). I need a better system, haha. I just gotta make sure to tell him not to bring up anythin about last night cause J doesn't know and I can't really tell her (oh my God that's gonna kill me). I don't want her to hate me tho... and... yeah... 


I'm gonna run. Love you all <3 Stay safe :)