So tonight I got a, "stop getting skinny, asshole!" from one of my friends...
Part of me... is like... what? I'm still losing weight?!? Cool! That's just what I want!!
And the other part of me is like... I haven't lost any more in the last few weeks... actually, I probably gained... I'm having a really bad body day... I feel so gross and disgusting...
I really am having a bad body day though... I just can't stand the fact that I might not am probably not seeing what other people are seeing at all... but I know I'm not skinny... I STILL can't even get into one jean size down... so yeah... these ones might be baggy... but I can't get my FAT ASS into anything else!!!
I want to cry- but of course nothing is fucking coming out. How do you make yourself cry?!? Oh my god.... fuck my life.
My collarbones are slowly becoming more visible... very slowly... and I can feel my hip bones just a little more...
I think this is why I've been in such a good mood an okay mood lately. But my face is breaking out... something must still be stressing me.
I think one of my biggest fears also, is that I am going to fail... at life. I know nothing about money, paychecks, paying bills... I already suck at taking care of myself...
I feel like I will never be able to be fully independent. I will fail at everything... and I'm wondering if that may have played a role in my eating disorder...
Maybe... maybe not...
Whatever... I'm going to bed now. Goodnight <3
