Big Day Tomorrow...

SUPER TRIGGERING!!

I'm sorry guys, I really am. I just can't help it sometimes. Please don't read if you are easily triggered. There are numbers and evil little thought in here.

So my rook is slightly infected and there's nothing I can do about it. Fuck.

I'm preparing myself for tomorrow... if you are easily triggered, you're probably gonna wanna stay away from my blog tomorrow. 


I'm washing my jeans.


Yes... my one pair... that gets washed sometimes only once every 6 months.


Disgusting, I know. But I can't help the amount of distress it puts me in. I just can't handle it.


My intake today was more than I wanted...
-120 calorie muffin and coffee
-150 calorie fiber one bar (FUCK)
-turkey chili (more than I wanted) and a small corn muffin (FUCK)
-140 calorie weight watchers ice cream cup


Only 2 fat burners... I should grab an ex-lax before bed though...


I won't see the boy for at least 2 weeks. I'm planning on losing more weight. I will try to do it in a healthy way... I promise, I will try.


But I can feel myself falling back into my anorexic patterns. And I could not be happier about that.
What the HELL is wrong with me?!?


I could get AT LEAST five pounds gone in the next two weeks?
FUCK FUCK FUCK!


It's not like I couldn't stand to lose some weight. It's totally okay for me... I just have to make sure I do it the right way.


I'm planning on continuing to lose until I am happy (I have some numbers in mind, healthy numbers that I'm aloud to be, but I won't mention them as this post is triggering enough). I'm sorry. Please don't read my shit if it triggers you.


If I lose a noticeable amount... he's probably going to say something...
I don't care.


My face is a mess... I'm breakin' out all over the damn place! I haven't been tanning in weeks (part of the problem perhaps?)... and everything about me is just disgusting. 


No... but I had a really good day overall. 
It's the nighttime that brings these thoughts to the surface.


I'm going to bed now.
Goodnight <3