And she twists and she whirls and she dances it all away.

It wouldn't let me embed the video but I just found this song today... it could pretty much be about me. This is my life.

Ballerina Out of Control

Also... check out my SONGS page... over 100 positive, uplifting, recovery oriented songs to add to your playlist!! And I'm pretty sure there's a little of ever genre. And of course, feel free to give me more songs if you have some that you want to share that aren't listed yet!!

So just love me as I come...

I added  on to the song page!! I now have videos for....
-Breathe by Billy Dortch
-It Gets Better by Chris Salvatore
-Feather in the Wind by Mindy Gledhill


So my throat is KILLING me. Like, it feels really tight... I dunno... I hope I'm not getting sick again, I barely ever got better.

So yesterday... oh my God. I had to bake fresh cookies from scratch. Never did that before. It was okay. Kinda gross cause then I smelled like butter and had to obsessively wash my hands. The worst part though, I had to eat part of one. I thought I was going to die but if a kid offers you food you can't refuse, you at least have to take the first bite (which is the hardest of course). But saying no to the food is like saying no to the kid so I put on my big girl panties and sucked it up. Then when I left I was driving back freaking out all I wanted to do was throw up, but I couldn't cause I was in the car... I wanted to pull over so badly even if I just threw up in a bush or on the side of the road it was that bad. I was crying and shaking. I didn't allow myself to pull over though. That would just have opened so many more doors for me that I don't need to go through.


I did eat a little dinner later that night. I also had dinner tonight (plus a snack, ew). Breakfast and lunch were both just coffee. I am making myself eat at least one meal a day (typically dinner) and getting coffee when I want it. Even if I feel kind of gross after I know I can't let myself get too far down the path of anorexia... as much as I want it... as bad as that sounds.


I got two of the books (Shrink Yourself and The Body Image Workbook). I started reading Shrink Yourself and even though I'm  not really an "emotional eater" to the extent in which the book was written, I still use food as a way to avoid my emotions... whether it's a binge or extreme restriction. I have a terrible relationship with food, I'm aware of that. But even though there are a lot of things in the book that don't apply to me... it's still interesting material and we'll see what happens when I get to the activities at the end. I'm not ready for The Body Image Workbook. Not at all. I have to get through Telling ED No! and Regain Your Self first. Those are being shipped to my apartment. 

Oh... and something I learned. I can't rush recovery. I can't set a date for myself that I want to be "better" by. Life doesn't work by set deadlines... it just goes with the flow... and that's what I'm going to do... although, I may be swimming upstream a lot before I found out where I made that wrong turn.


I don't have too too much to say right now. Like I said, I'm not feeling well. My sinuses are going crazy! It sucks but it's whatever... I just hope I'm not getting sick again. I took some medicine just in case though.


By the way... check out Feather in the Wind. It's really beautiful <3

Random Blog Updates

I added new songs to the song list and started to put in some of my guide stuff that I'm working on. I'm also going to start working on that whole "series of unfortunate events" for those of you who have read my 'Who Am I?' page. I don't know when it will be up or how long it will take me to get it done but I think it's about time I get it all out. It's just so much information that it's almost overwhelming.


So after my last post... the whole week was kind of hell. This morning wasn't great either but I just showered and I'm going to try to turn that around. I'm still hangin' in there. It's tough... but I'm getting out of bed (most mornings) and I'm still here so I guess that's something to be proud of. Maybe I am stronger than I realize because even with all of this I'm still here? I dunno. 


But anyway, check out the new songs there are some really good ones... the video up top is one of them because the video is just amazing and yeah... then I also added another Natasha Bedingfield song (recover) and Jenni Schaffer's 'Life without ED'. There are some others to so just check it out. And the 'Guide to Happiness' page is up, not fully completed but that's all I have some more. Feel free to comment with suggestions or whatever else.


Peace.

Music Help?

Hi!!


Random, but does anyone know how to get music on my page? I can't seem to figure it out for the life of me... I've tried numerous things =/ 


Haha, thanks!!

Updating Pages

Hello!!!


Okay, so I know I said I wasn't gonna post again until tomorrow but I've been updating my pages. 

Songs- this is a list of songs I put together that give me hope for the future, put me in a good mood, or just touch me in a really positive way.
Poems- this page is my PERSONAL poetry, this is stuff that I've written... it's not very good, but I try =)
Breathe- this page is one of my favorites!!! on here I have a list of things I like to use for coping with whatever, I've also included a links for pages with other ways of coping or just pages that can help with ED, then I put a list of 'distraction links' if you feel you are going to binge or cut or do something you know you shouldn't  these sites will provide some distraction from your thoughts (I hope).
                    -- At some point I will add a book list (books related to ED and SI/good books for distraction).


I'm also working on a page for my journals (but I want it to be private and that's not an option) and I'm also thinking of a page with quotes and/or poetry I find online or that you guys want to share (credit will be given).


Which brings me to my next point... if there is anything you would like to add to any of my lists/pages such as links, websites, coping strategies, ect, please let me know. You can always feel free to e-mail me. I love suggestions!

And if you haven't checked out any of my pages yet, you should go ahead and do it! Kill some time, let me know what you think, what you want to see more of, whatever... I make these pages for you guys just as much as I do for myself so don't hesitate to ask for something or suggest something =)

I love you all! You're all wonderful and beautiful!
<3 <3 <3