Sunday, April 22, 2012


I honestly just feel like I'm never gonna get better...

I only took one ex-lax tonight but I wanna take like a handful more. I almost just wanna too sick to function tomorrow... I wanna get everything out of my system. I keep looking at Miralax... 32 ounces of that once a week should do the trick.

Cutting just keeps getting worse. My right wrist is red, my entire left arm is covered in cuts, scabs, and scars of various sizes and depths (nothing too deep though), my stomach is all scratched up, both of my legs are covered in scars, and my hip still has a few cuts that are healing from last week.

I'm not crazy...

Ugh... whatever... I just hate this so much.

Like, I really do want to stop... I just don't know how... and I just hate myself so much, and then I cut or something and I just feel even worse about myself...

I did do this today though:

Ughh... whatever... everything just sucks.

Oh... and here's my thing where I keep track of everything... I just started doing this in February... so yeah... it's missing a lot before then obviously. And I don't think I started the laxative countdown right away either but yeah... here it is.

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