- Started lamictal (take my last 25mg tomorrow and then move on to 50mg)
- Started talking/hanging out with J again... its like nothing's changed
- My dad's uncle died Monday... I didn't really know him well but still.
- MY friend K (have I talked about her before) have 3 tumors, one with cancer cells which may or may not be active... at this point she doesn't wanna do chemo.
- I'm on the anxiety medication... haven't taken more than 2 at a time so far
- Took some fat burners Tuesday (4) and 2 yesterday morning along with a bottle of smirnoff ice before 9am
So yeah... I really really need to get on here more and track my moods and things...
OH... forgot the almost killing myself part... yeah, I'm fine... I just really wanted to crash my car... parked down by a river for like over an hour... don't worry I'm fine.
SO sick right now though and I feel SUPER fat and huge and disgusting and I just wanna cut it all off.
Still wanting to withdraw from school...
Still making 'attempts' at purging but not getting very far...
STILL not recovered... from anything... go figure... I doubt I ever will, I should honestly just kill myself. But fuck.
Whatever... I'm fine... seriously gonna work on more updates... maybe once I withdraw from school I can make that happen.
xx
It's good you're still here though.
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear things have been hard. That's not all there is.
Take care, keep trying. That's all you need to do. Love x
Nikki...you have no idea how amazing and beautiful and strong and inspiring you are...you just...I wish you could SEE just HOW much of an impact you,being here,being alive,still fighting,still refusing to let anyone else hurt or abuse themselves...I wish you could see how truly inspiring you are <3
ReplyDeletePlease stay strong...easier said than done...I know...but guess what I also know?That you CAN DO THIS!This is just a part of your life ok...not a fun or easy part admittidley...but just a part...there'll be better,happier,less anxiety filled days and you CAN DO THIS!! <3