So what is it? It's a mental illness... we know that... but why is is so difficult to recover from? I dunno... I'm sure I'm not the only one out there frustrated by the lack of knowledge on eating disorders (among other things).
Restricting. Starvation. Hunger pains. Feeling faint. Feeling dizzy. Having to sit down so you don't pass out. Chest pain. Blurred vision. Having zero energy.
Bingeing. Losing control. Guilt. Shame. Secrets. Hiding.
Purging. Spending hours with your head in the toilet. Sticking pens and toothbrushes down your throat. Sticking your fingers down your throat. Gagging. Watching it all come back up. Failure.
Laxatives. Diet pills. Nausea. Your heart starts to race. Your heart starts to slow down. You can feel it beating in your chest. Diarrhea. Not being able to go out because you're so sick from the laxatives. Not being able to do anything but curl up in bed in pain. Everything hurts so badly.
Overexercising. Being so tired but HAVING to do it. It's not a choice. You HAVE to do it. Being exhausted, feeling sick, feeling as though you'll pass out... it doesn't matter. Never being able to skip a workout. Being more prone to injuries- getting injured, continuing anyway.And that's just the start... those are just SOME of the behaviors- in basic form. Not to mention the isolation, the self injury (sometimes), the details of the behaviors, the money, the relationships lost, hair falling out, pale skin, GI problems, yellowing teeth and nails, being so damn cold all the time, being super moody, the anxiety around food or uncomfortable situations, the things the mirror does to do...
I have no idea where I'm going with this really... just some random thoughts...