Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Suicide Note

So I think I accidentally OD-ed on diet pills yesterday... I didn't even take that many, it was just the mix of them and the amount in such a short period of time and the lack of food in my stomach... anyway, I spent a good 5 hours trying to figure out if I was gonna pass out or have a heart attack first. It was scary shit. 

My head was all fuzzy, I couldn't see straight, I was so confused, my chest hurt, my heart was beating really fast, my breath was really shallow, I was sort of dizzy... all I wanted was to lay down.

Anyway, I went to class anyway... it was about 3 hours after it happened so I thought I was feeling a little better... but once I started moving, not really... I almost walked out of english... and the beginning of dance was rough til the feeling was more worn off... 

I got back to my apartment and wrote a suicide note... I still don't think I'm really capable of it... but I know when I get to that really, super suicidal place, I don't think about anything else... so I don't trust myself... and I know accidents happen... even if I accidentally OD or if ED complications kill me... I wanted to make sure I said a few things... 

It's been a hard week... a lot of crying and depression and all sorts of stuff.

But I'm still 15 days cut free. I used laxatives once two nights ago... I didn't overdo it though.

And I'm sick today... sinus infection/cold... so we'll see how I feel tomorrow. I didn't go to any classes today.

That's it.


  1. take care of yourself, and get well soon! xo.

  2. wow props to u for still going to class after that! im so sry its been so hard for u lately, but pls pls try to take care of urself a little more. & seriously GOOD JOB on being cut free for so long! I know how hard it is & seriously ur amazing for being able to overcome it. Stay strong<3