Shit Day

You know you have a problem when you're on the floor of the locker room about to pass out, in the most excrutiating pain of your life, drenched in sweat, white as a ghost and you just tell the people trying to help you "I'm fine. It happens sometimes."


Yup... welcome to my life. 


So, the morning was fine. I got my period. You know... shit happens. Took some advil cause of cramps.


I had a bit of a break between dance camp and physical therapy so I was home. Then I went to PT and we started with a deep friction massage (kind of OW today) and then the ultrasound which I started yesterday... after a little while the ultrasound was REALLY hurting my knee... like I can't even explain what it felt like but it was so painful and so I told the PT and it felt better when the ultrasound wasn't on. Then all the sudden I felt like I was gonna pass out or puke or I dunno and I started sweating and got really white. So she got me some water and I drank some and felt better in a few minutes. We decided since the ultrasound was hurting anyway that we were done with it and she asked if I wanted to do stim and ice. I felt better so I said I could handle it. We were trying to figure out why I felt sick... it could have been because of pain. Then I realized I got my period today. 


Bingo. That's it. I dunno if the pain from the ultrasound was a part of it... it's possible. After like... I dunno... 2 minutes I asked one of the girls to take the ice off. I said I just needed to find a bathroom and then get home. Got in the bathroom and was feeling even worse. Managed to get myself out of the bathroom and to my locker to get my phone to call my mom to pick me up. It's about a 15-20 minute drive. It took her about a half hour to get there. That whole half hour was a blur. The locker room is really tiny and it's like carpet like the rest of the place and I just needed to lay down and have my knees into my chest because my cramps where so bad. My PT brought me some pillows, a cold compress, an ice pack, and heat for my stomach. I was progressivly getting worse. The PT place is in a whole medical facility so like two woman came in... two? I dunno there were so many people in such a small room and one was trying to put my feet up on a really high bench and I was like... my head was getting better, I wasn't as lightheaded on the floor and the heat was helping cramps but she didn't want the heat on me cause I was sweating and I just wanted my feet down and I finally got her off my back and I kept switching sides and burying my face in the pillows and then sitting in a child's pose type position and then back on my side. 


So my mom walks in... first thing she says, "You got your period today?"


I got up and we got my stuff together (oh, I also managed some advil after I called my mom) and I got up but kept my body forward and kept telling people I needed to be upside down... which we had to stop about twice on the way to the car so I could be upside down. I felt better on the drive home. I laid down on my side with the seat back and we had the air on. I laid down for a bit when I got home and was feeling a lot better so I went to ballet. 


I was trying not to cry in ballet... not totally sure what was going on I was just kinda in a mood from everything but the storm and brownouts where making me feel better.


I got home and was okay but then going through e-mails realized I was late for a lot of stuff (Background Check and Child Abuse forms) so I filled everything out which is always a struggle for me and we're sending in the rest of the stuff tomorrow, my mom's gonna take care of it for me. But then I was freaking out cause this is probably why I haven't gotten my placement yet and now I'm gonna get something I really don't want and ugh. 


Oh... we're going to Hawaii which I really don't want to go but my family was being ugh I don't even want to get into it so we're going and I've been saying I don't wanna go to beaches and shit and my dad mentioned snorkeling before and I don't want to do it but no one gives a shit and after I finish everything I'm going upstairs and my dad goes "Buy a bathing suit, we're going snorkeling." And that's when I started to cry.


I just don't want to be a part of my life anymore.