Monday, October 17, 2011

I found this interesting...

So in case you didn’t know- I’m a pilates instructor and I had a private session with my teacher today. So I have lots of alignment stuff going on and I’m constantly in pain, whether its my back, my hip, my shoulder, my wrist, more of my back, my whole pelvis, a different part of my back, ect… I don’t remember ever NOT being in pain.
Well today my teacher said something to me that I can’t stop thinking of… she said that I need to figure out what’s going on emotionally that’s making me hold on to being in pain. Does that make sense? I mean it does to me… but like… it’s like I have some kind of contant NEED to feel pain. And of course when she said that I immediately thought of cutting… and how that’s painful (not in the moment but afterwards). So anyway… I just found it interesting. 
The good news is that I'm on my period and haven't cut (it started on Friday, I believe)... which is a first. I did cut between periods since the last one but I think today is the 27th day. Let's see how that goes. 
I've been back at school for 5 weeks and JUST got off the phone with the counseling center to start individual therapy... yeah I know... 
But the woman who schedule's everything is in a meeting until 4 and I'm in class form 4:30-7:30 so I'll probably miss her call. 
My tummy hurts right now... I don't feel like going to class/dance and I really have to study but I hate missing. Gahh!! So annoying. I have to take a quiz tonight and study for my midterm in the morning... boo. I haven't started shit yet.
Anyway, just wanted to mention the emotional block relating to pain- I mean, it makes sense... I know that physical pain is much easier for me to deal with than emotional pain and it's like... if I'm in so much pain that all my attention is going there, I can't think about anything else... anyway... that's all.

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