I'm having a really hard time... finding a reason to live right now.
I have nothing going for me... and I don't leave my room... if I do, I don't leave the house... and on the RARE occasion I do, it's because my family dragged me out with them and I don't have a choice.
I can really feel myself falling deeper into depression. ALL I want to do is fucking cry! But I can't even do that! I can't even fucking CRY! That's how much of a failure I am.
And I still hate everything about myself. Everything about the way I look. Everything about my body. I still have zero friends. I have no one in my life. No one here for me. I'm fucking lonely. I know for a FACT that no one is EVER, EVER going to want me.
And some of the suicidal thoughts are coming back... slowly... but getting stronger when I allow myself to let them in. And it's like... I know when it gets really bad, I don't think about anyone or anything. But I know I would never want to hurt anyone in the way that killing myself would hurt them. It's just too much for me to be alive right now. Always. I can't do this. Life is too overwhelming. I just want this all to go away.