Saturday, December 31, 2011

*Suicidal Thoughts* (could be triggering)

Showers are a dangerous place.

When I got in there... I just sat down at the bottom of the tub like I used to do when I was a little kid. Only, when I was younger, I would sit there and cry. I don't cry anymore... so I just sat there. And I started thinking... and I guess it's a good thing I didn't bring my razor in there (I only have one since I'm home)... because I just wanted to cut SO badly. I didn't care where I cut. I just wanted it to be deep. Deeper than any of my other cuts... and I wanted to watch it run to the other end of the porcelain white tub, staining it red. I wanted to lay down with the hot water washing over me and just watch it may it's way down the drain... I would never know how much I lost because it's gone after that. And I wanted to do that until I couldn't anymore... and then just close my eyes and let the red turn to black. And that would be it. All of this would be over.

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