Sunday, December 5, 2010

White Light

I have too much to say so I'm just going to tell you what I'm doing now. I am sitting in the library putting off papers that I don't understand and studying for exams that I don't even know what they're on. I need this all for tomorrow... which also happens to be my birthday. 

My plans for tomorrow (I'll add in gym and tanning whenever I get a chance to run down there):
- 7am pilates pedagogy test
- 10:30-12:30 theatre production final (I'm not doin' so hot in this class)
- 3:30-5:30 world musics exam (I'm legit failing this class)
- 7-8pm photo shoot for dance

So basically, I need one of my papers (3-5 pages) for theatre production and 3 papers about 2 pages long each of reviews from performances for world musics. I have other papers due other days, this is just for tomorrow. I haven't started a single one of those nor to I know what I'm supposed to be writing, or even studying in the case of world musics. 

I also need to get the order to pilates because it's level IV which I'm still not to great with teaching. And as for the photo shoot thing... we need close-up head shots to be blown up to about 9 feet tall that will be on stage with us. I don't know if I've talked about my fear and hatred for cameras yet on here... but it's serious business. I sometimes hyperventilate and I refuse to look at my own picture even if I let someone take it just because I know it's going to make me feel like crap.

And like I said, tomorrow, when I have all of this, is my birthday. My 21st birthday. Awesome, huh?

So I never go to the library, and being tomorrow is the first day of finals, it's jam packed. People are sitting on the floor. I walked up and down about 3 floors and got lost in the middle of bumblefuck nowhere surrounded by books with not a person in sight before I found a guy packing up his stuff to leave and took his seat. I don't know a thing about libraries, I don't know how they work or anything. It's like a big deal that I'm here.

Although I'm thinking of coming more often just for the simple fact that it will prevent me from binging because I'll be out. It could work.

Oh and as for the title.... I don't know if I've talked about my white light analogy before. But basically I feel like I'm a white light. When you mix every color of light you get white... well when I have too many emotions and am feeling too many things all at once I go blank, like a white light. So, yeah.

I think I'm gonna head out soon. Damn library is boring as hell and I hate this quiet. It's freakin' me out man. Haha, I've been makin' so much  noise. Whoops! Plus I have a killer headache. I haven't started a single paper. God damn. Not to mention, I'm still a little lost even though I found people. I'm not so sure I know how to get out of here, hahaha.


  1. sounds like a stressful day :( tomorrow it will be over with though, and i know you'll get through it.

    Happy birthday!

  2. Nikki,

    First of all, Happy Birthday. I understand and can relate to every thing you say. We are sort of in the same boat. I love your analogy of the white light. I hope everything goes well for you.


  3. Happy Birthday!
    I love what you said about the 'White Light'.
    Your day sounds very stressful and completely jampacked.
    Just remember to take one thing at a time and to pace yourself. You don't run 100 meters by appearing at the finish line, every step counts!

  4. happy birthday!!!
    ^^ same bwt the white light its such a good explaination of how i feel too
    much love

  5. Happy Birthday, lovely!!!
    And good luck for all your exams.