Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I've never wanted to kill myself as much as I do right now.

I finally admitted to myself that I need help, serious help. But I don't want it. I don't think I'll ever want it... and that scares the shit out of me.


  1. That dear girl is some scary news. The words you just typed are not good. I know just how it is though. I feel like I don't want help either. I know the only way to be helped is to want it. I just can't. I know this probably isn't making you feel any better, but I just wanted to let you know that I relate and that I'm here if you want to talk. Stay safe.

  2. im not looking for people to make me feel better, i would much rather here the truth. and you're right, the only way to be helped is to want it. ive seen that first hand.

  3. Realizing you need help is a step in a positive direction. Whether or not you're at a place where you feel like you actually WANT it. I can definitely relate, though. Some things, I want help for (and actively pursue help with counseling). Other things, namely my ed, I'm too terrified to give up and damn anyone who get in the way. I hate feeling that way, but it's just fact right now.

    I hope you're doing alright. And thanks for your comment on my blog. : )

  4. its ok to be scared
    if u want recovery it aint easy its a process not an event
    if u want to recover choose life coz this isn't living this is only just existing andd it seems that uve had enough of just existing and i hope u find the courage to get the help and life that u want and deserve
    much love honey

  5. than you guys

    that actually gave me an idea... one day (when/if) i ever get myself back into therapy (i dont trust therapists or doctors b/c of my experience in treatment the first time) but i can go to just learn how to talk and then eventually as i get more comfortable i can get into all of my issues.

    i cant do that yet... not gonna happen right now =/

    and englishrose... 'this isn't living this is only just existing' i kno... and than you for saying that i really needed to hear it. sometimes i don't know why im living or whats so great about anything but you're right, im not living and thats why i cant enjoy it.

    i shouldn't give up on life so quickly when ive never really experienced it.

    i woke up to these comments by the way :) im started off today much better than i ended yesterday thanks to you guys <3 <3 <3

    hope you're all well

  6. I feel I'm in the same place as you. on the road to destruction but not caring. I can't find anything to say to you, but just know you're not alone in that