Friday, December 17, 2010

I'm trying...

Sorry I don't post as much when I'm home, but right now I just have something that I really need to get off my chest.

So I'm not good at telling people how I feel. I'm once of those people who bottle everything up inside and put on a smile even on my worst days. I don't let people see me cry, ever, and I hate it when people know I'm upset. It's like I want people to thing I'm the strong fearless girl I was as a kid, but I know that's not true.

Anyway, since my blog, videos, and journal... I have been trying to open up to people more. Everyone knows I don't tell them what's bothering me, or even when something is bothering me. People get on my case all the time about crying and tell me it's okay for me to cry. People tell me that I can talk to them about anything and they'll always be there for me.

But what I don't get is when I do try to reach out, when I do try to let people in, when I'm broken and at my weakest moments... they all ignore me. If I'm lucky, they may respond to a text. But just one.  And then the go on facebook and update their status (sometimes via phone) but they don't respond to me. Or they will text me,  call me, message me, whatever... with one of their own problems, and totally disregard whatever I had said last. 

Meanwhile, there have been countless times where I am been in tears on the bathroom floor, with a razor in my hand, kneeling over the toilet, wrapped in blankets in my bed... and I will always, always find a way to make myself respond to people when they come to me with a problem. Even if it's one that hits really close to home for me, and I never once say what a mess I am at that moment because it's not about me and I'm not about to make it. Yet I have friends who turn on their phones so if I really need someone I can't get in contact with them or people who, like I said, disregard whatever I said and turn it around to be about them. 

I just don't get people. This is why I never let anyone in. Because they don't care. And not letting them in is better than the rejection of them not giving a crap about me. It just sucks and I don't know how people and be so selfish and inconsiderate (and I realize I'm sounding a bit selfish myself right now). But seriously people, come on. Get over yourselves. It's not always about you.

Sometimes, it's about me.

There. I said it. I'm important to and there is no reason why people should be treating me this way. But I have no one else, and so I put up with it. But one of these days I'm gonna blow up on someone, I really am. Because this is fucking ridiculous.


  1. People are selfish. Well, some are.
    At the end of the day, you only have yourself to count on, and that's why you need to stay strong.
    People suck

  2. exactly
    very well said people just ignore me too

  3. thanks guys, i guess i just needed to hear from someone other than myself that people suck :)

  4. Hello girls I was playing around with my blogger settings and I have accidentally deleted my whole blogging account and have had to create a new one!! If you could please support me and follow my journey and I will happily follow yours!!

    You can expect to see my daily intake, exercise, Thinspiration and a lot more =)

    Thank you girls

    “Keep your dreams alive. Understand to achieve anything requires faith and belief in yourself, vision, hard work, determination, and dedication. Remember all things are possible for those who believe.”

    Bree =)