Whoops....

One of my friends saw my arm. She didn't say anything, I don't know if she will... but there were other people around. I saw the look on her face though.We both just kind of pretended it didn't happen, that she saw nothing. I don't know is she's going to try to bring it up. I'm sure she's figured it out though. It's kind of obvious. Three clean red lines straight across the arm. The look on her face was kind of questioning and... shocked... upset, maybe? All I know is I didn't like the feeling of seeing that look on her face. I mean, we're pretty close... but not that close. The only issues she's ever really heard about other than school are my boy issues, the whole C thing... We talk sometimes... but, yeah. 


So I don't know what's going to happen. I dunno if she told her roommate, who I have the same relationship with as her. I dunno anything right now. I feel huge and disgusting. I'm not feeling the need to cut right now... but to take a handful of ex-lax and purge, which of course isn't usually that successful for me. 


I'm so tired. I'm so over life. I'm exhausted... it's wearing me out. I'm not strong enough to deal with all of this crap. It's just too much for me. I really can't handle this anymore.


I've been sick so I wasn't in class for two days, my friend (the one that stays here a lot) text me and asked what I had to eat that day... so I told her and asked why and she said that eating healthy would get me better faster and asked if I still had all my 'weird eating habits'... she doesn't know exactly what my eating habits are like so I just told her they're weird when she said she's never seen me eat. 


I really have nothing left to say. I feel gross. I can't deal with my life. I just really can't take it anymore.