Good Morning!!

So I basically have insomnia most of the time. I have such a hard time falling asleep/staying asleep. I get like 2-4 hours a night, 6 if I'm lucky. Any more than 6 I feel like I've overslept and will be tired. But then... every couple of months there is one week where I go into what I call coma mode. That's where I currently am.


It does usually happen when I'm home which is perfect because I don't have to worry about missing classes and such. But I basically just sleep 24/7. I don't mind it so much, I know that I need to catch up.


So yesterday, I went to the Borders by me because they are going out of business. Everything is on sale so I got a bunch of stuff. I got two books on autism and working with kids living with autism, a pilates book with photos of Joseph Pilates himself, Whispers: The Voices of Paranoia (so so interesting so far), and a few calorie counter/protein counter pocket books. 


I'm such a dork sometimes, Whispers is actually pretty scientific and talks a lot about parts of the brain and chemicals in the brain... I swear if I was smarter I would take more neuropsychology classes. It's so interesting to me.


Which reminds me! I also got GED for Dummies so I can start studying and make sure I get into the graduate school I want since I really don't want to continue at the school I'm currently at even though they're holding a spot for me. So anyway I get it and show my dad I have it so I can start studying and everyone knows I need a lot of help with it so it's just funny that it's the one for dummies. What's even funnier? I need to study for the GRE... I'm already done with high school there's no reason to take the GEDs. And... since the store is going out of business, I can't return it. Oops! 

I'll go back today and pick up the right one... or tomorrow. I want to look at more book books, to like relax and read on my longish weekends and days off in the nice warm weather. I had an arm full of books after going through the health/medical and psychology sections that I didn't even want to be bothered with looking around the rest of the store.


I miss being home. It just reminds me of high school. I mean... I hated high school all except for dance. But just the small of the house and waking up walking down the stairs for my coffee... there are things from my past I want back, and I just feel so much closer to them here. I feel  more connected to them. I feel more in control. I don't think I ever knew I had such a problem with change until I went to college.


And most times when I'm home, I love it, but try to be out of the house as much as possible. Not so much this week. I don't mind being here. At night though I wish I had something to do. But it's fine. Maybe I'll make a fire in the backward one night. It's not like I ever went anywhere other than dance, dance competitions, or dance workshops when I was in highschool. I didn't hang out with any "friends". Occasionally on the weekends with J but that's about it. I spent a lot of time with my parents. I kind of had those people, and this is still the case, where we're friends in school but then I have no one to hang out with outside of class and stuff. It's whatever at this point. 


I wouldn't change the fact that I was always dancing in highschool for anything. Waking up at 4am to shower, do my hair and makeup, and drive to a competition an hour or so away. Oh my god. I loved the early morning ones! It would still be dark out, no one on the road. And then we wouldn't even leave until 11pm to come home. I miss competing. I really do. I miss rehearing for competition. I'm going to stop there. I miss dance and my dance studio... that's all. Everyone knows that already. 








And this post turned out longer than I expected. I'm going to have a few more sips of coffee, get a quick work out in, and jump in the shower. 

In the middle of putting in pictures... my 2 year old cousin's looking for me... gotta run! 

Just Because

So, I'm home.... as in with the parents. This is my "spring break". I'll be here for a week-10 days. I got a few free trial guest passes at the local gyms so I can go in and work out/take fitness classes for free. That's in addition to the equipment we have in the basement.


I'm finally going to take Zumba! Haha, I've always wanted to but could never fit it in my schedule. I'm going tomorrow morning 9:30-11. I'm actually going to sleep right after this post since I am extremely sleep deprived at the moment. 


I feel super white also, so I'm gonna need to get some cash for tanning. I could really go for a frosted bed tan. Even everything out, get some color on my face.


I'm going to make the best of being home despite the fact J once again hates me. I'm starting to feel like she's looking for reasons to start fights. But whatever, I'm not going to let it phase me. I don't need her or anyone else.


I think I'm going to keep this short since my last post was about a mile long. I'll try to keep updating throughout the week and then once I'm back at school and working! I'm excited but nervous for the fact I only have dance classes twice a week. That is just not acceptable for me. I'm gonna have to work something out and get some extra classes in somehow.


Well anyway, that's it for now. I hope you're all doing well :)

[[I tried to add photos but they won't let me, I'll get them to you tomorrow or sometime this week!]]

Late Night Insanity

So of course today was less than okay, as per usual. There was a costume thing that I wasn't all too happy about. Anyway, I'm wide awake in the middle of the night and not really okay, so I decided to run down to the gym in my apartment complex real quick. It's 24 hours so it's great... but with all of this damn construction and whatnot it was closed.


Now, I didn't know this prior to going down because I've been using the campus gym lately and haven't really been to the one here in a while. Anyway, it was closed... and it's frigid out. Needless to say, I'm fuckin pissed off. I would've just went for a run, but it's cold and super icy. I don't really care about the whole being alone at 1 something AM in a city by myself... it's whatever. 


So anywhere, here I am... perfectly painted black nails, speed walking around the courtyard of my apartment complex chain smoking cigarettes at 1:30am. I haven't smoked in weeks. Oh how I missed it...


I would work out more in my apartment but I have a friend stayin here tonight, I'll wait until she's asleep and do some abs and maybe more leg weights if I can find them in the dark.


This is my life. Wow. Really... who does shit like this? Trying to burn calories while smoking... in the middle of the night... outside in the icy cold weather...


Yeah... late night insanity is what it is.