The only way to overcome fear, is to face it.

And that's what I tried. Major fail.


So the thing is... when I get around the hospital, that town in general, I start to hyperventilate, I get a knot in my stomach, I can't breathe, I take short, shallow breaths. I enter panic mode. Every. Single. Time.


I was driving today, and something in me just knew that I had to go back there. I had to get to that town, park my car, get out, and breathe. I could've taken a walk, or sat on a bench. But I just needed to go there and be able to breathe in that place. Weird I know. But something in me just knew this is something that I have to do.


So I drove there. I entered panic mode as per usual. Gripping the steering wheel, breathing heavily, holding back tears, trying to catch my breath, looking at nothing but the road ahead. I couldn't do it. Couldn't pull over, couldn't stop the car, couldn't even open a window.


I got in and I got out. It took me some time to calm down after leaving, as it always does. I know more than ever now that I need to do this. I need to do this to move on. I need to do this before I can ever even think of stepping up and seeking professional help.


God, what the fuck is wrong with me? Who the hell hyperventilates because of the area they are in?! It was such a simple task really. Go there, and breathe. And I failed. Go me.