Monday, April 11, 2011

That Dance Studio

So, I know that you all know how much I miss my old dance studio. Well... it's kind of more than just miss. As much as I hated high school, and I hated those years of my life, I would kill to have them back. Dance got me through some of the hardest times in my life. As bad as things were, I still knew who I was. 

I was the girl who everyone at the dance studio knew... parents, kids, grandparents, younger girls, teachers, everyone. There was always something for me t do there even when I wasn't in class or working out downstairs. I was taking phone calls, I was teaching, I was selling snacks, I was selling dancewear, I was competing, I was making posters, I was mailing letters, I was emptying trash cans, I was cleaning mirrors, I was sweeping floors. I miss all of that. And the sad truth is... that's not who I am anymore. I am nothing now. No one. 

I just want that back. I had a family there. People knew me. People understood me (to an extent... they knew how I acted and how to react to that). And as much as I know I am still more than welcome there and that everyone loves when I come to visit, it's just not the same. I'm not the one doing everything anymore... I want to be that person again. All I want in life is to be a part of that again.

That dance studio is the only place I ever belonged. It's still the only place I I belong. It's the only place I was accepted (other than places like here/online). It was the only place that was ALWAYS safe, that I could always count on to be there, that I knew could save me. 

That dance studio gave me more than anyone could ever imagine. It kept me alive. It kept me sane. It kept me from hurting myself (too much). 

Sure, I still had issues back then... but that was the only time when I actually WAS someone.

I want that back.

I want me back.


  1. I can understand how you feel about the dance studio and why you'd want to go back, but maybe its about taking that you learned there and making something new out of it at your new studio? You're still an amazing dancer, people still love you and respect you and look at you and tell you how beautiful of a dancer you are... its just a matter or learning to accept them, and learning to enjoy dance again?