I feel fat. I am fat. I fucking hate this. I ate too much... partially because I was starving, partially because I was alone. I'm gonna fucking fall apart when I go back to school. What the fuck!
And of course tomorrow is going to suck like no other. I am out of fat burners. Can you say migraine? Fuck my life. I'll have to leave extra early and try to stop and get some on the way. Fuck. CVS is expensive but I could just get one box. I'm not ready to not have them yet.
Screw the fact that I had chest pains tonight... and my stomach hurt. I just wanted to puke- but of course, I don't do that. Like, what the fuck? I seriously wish I could when I needed to.
I haven't been cutting. I've been fighting the urge to day after day... after day after day.
I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of all of this.
I hate being alone. I think part of this is because of the confusion about my ex (T) and knowing that no one is ever going to want me. I hate being crazy. I hate all of this. I was supposed to go to bed an hour ago- but have I? No. No I haven't. I'm not even ready for bed.
I'm so tired all day... everyday. And then at night I can't sleep. I can't take it anymore. I am so dizzy all the time. Every time I stand up I get really light headed, things get fuzzy. This isn't supposed to happen.
I'm not underweight. I'm NOWHERE near that. Like, seriously? What the fuck.
I hate my life.