So I'm a freak... I'm pretty sure that's already been established.
I've been in tears for the past 2 hours. Why? Cause I got a fuckin hair cut.
It was supposed to be just a trim but whatever I ended up loosing like 2 inches. And I know logically that hair grows back and this this is stupid but I just can't deal with this. My hair is gone. It was just starting to get long. And now it's like in the awkward middle length that everyone hates. It's boring. It's unflattering. I can't do anything with it. I just hate everything about it.
I'm currently looking up how much it costs for professional hair extensions, which I know will never happen they cost way too much. And even still, then it's not my hair. It's not the same. But at least it might help me not be so fucking depressed. Literally in the dark in my bed right now. Can't sleep cause it's too light out, I tried.
It's so stupid- but any little itty bitty bit of self esteem I have... is because of my hair. And now that's gone. And I am left with zero self esteem. Maybe less if possible because I'm aware of how stupid I'm being. I pulled my hair so hard before it gave me a headache. I had a balloon animal unicorn that I popped- although it wasn't as satisfying as smashing something with a hammer which is what I really felt like doing. I'm a fucking wreak right now.
And I was doing so well. I can't possibly do well right now. Any time I need to look in the mirror- my hair was what kept me a little sane. And now it's gone. I didn't just loose my hair. I lost that little speck of self esteem I was trying to grow. How can you grow something without the seed? Without the beginning? You can't. You can't start from the middle. Life doesn't work that way. You have to be born before you can live. You have to live before you die.
I know I'm crazy. But the amount of hair I lost will take 3 months minimum to grow back! And that's if I'm eating the proper amount, which I'm not. I know I've been loosing a bit of hair and it's been thinning out a bit... but now it's just fucking gone.
Whatever. Fuck this.