Thursday, August 4, 2011


So... let's just say today wasn't the greatest.

I cut... WHILE driving to work. Not safe. Really... I dunno how I didn't get into an accident.
I only took 6 fat burners cause I don't wanna run out and haven't gotten to the store yet.
After work I did have some mini quaker rice cakes... not too happy about it... but all I had today was those and my peanut butter and yogurt in the morning.

I've been drinking orange-cranberry-tangerine skinny waters practically religiously.

My cyst flared up again the other day and the other reason I'm actually wrapping it is because I now have to hide my wrist. I wore my watch super tight today at work because I didn't want it moving or anything to show.

I want to cut more.

I did find this under the passenger seat of my car today:

I haven't cried. I still feel bloated. I've been totally numbed out ALL day. I feel nothing... emotion-wise... I am dead. I just... I don't know anymore... 

I'm scared. I'm slipping and I know it. I have NO desire to eat. I have to self harm. I know I can't let myself slip to far. I know I won't be able to pick the pieces back up.

I don't know what to do...


  1. oh nikki girl, i wish i could help you more hug you and tell you things are ging to be okay cause things will work out like they always do in life. life fucking sucks but you have to stay strong no matter what and it makes you a stronger person inside and from then on. try not to cut i know its hard but you dont deserve it <3 i cut while driving once too, it didnt really go as planned but i didnt have much of a plan in the first place, lol, just be careful love im thinking about you xoxo

  2. Oh, I wish tyhere was something I could say to you, something wise and supportive, that you'd believe in, and it would all be better. But it just doesn't work that way.
    Nikki is right, life sucks. But you can't give up just because of that. You always have to get up and keep on going, 'cause life doesn't wait for anyone.

    Life is what we make it.
    Make it beautiful.
    Stay strong girl. I hope you get better :/
    - Bella <3

  3. Nikki,

    Aw you poor chicken, Please eat something, it may make you feel better, with someone, maybe someone you are close with. Huni please dont cut please,
    create a new page, on here, so I can read :) Please ,
    Love you, loads,

  4. Nikki, I'm sorry to hear that you cut. I hope you fight the urges to cut more. Get rid of your blades. It'll be hard but it'll save you from falling more. I love you.