I really just want to fucking kill myself...

Honestly, nothing would make me happier than to be dead. I'm sorry everyone who follows me and actually reads this crap for the fact that I'm so bipolar all the time. If I could actually move (old dance injuries to the back and hip flared up today) then I wouldn't be typing this right now, I would be doing something else. Who knows what will happen when I get up. Whatever. I just fucking hate this. All of it.


I just want to be gone. Off this planet. Out of this fucking hell. 


Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fucking. Fuck.


I hate my life. I hate living. I hate all of this shit. Fuck. I'm literally just sitting here thinking of what's around my apartment. What pills. How much of them. What types of cleaners. What could make fumes. Whats sharp.


I usually think of other people and how I couldn't do this to them... not that they care or anything... but I've made commitments and other people are gonna end up doing my shit if I'm gone. No one would actually miss me. But either way, when I get like this (and I'm not bad yet I'm still just thinking) I forget about all of them. All I know is I want out. 


I kind of would like to see people's reactions though, ya know? 
I would have never expected this from her.
Why would she do that?
Oh... that's too bad.


I wonder who would come to my funeral... I'm not really close enough with anyone for them to even want to come. I would just be 'the girl that killed herself'. No one knows who I am. And no one cares to know. It's whatever. I don't give a fuck anymore. As long as I don't have to fucking be here.


I'm so done with this shit.