Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Make the feelings stop!

So... I realized something today...

It's not the boy that I miss. 
It's not T. 
It's C. 

I miss him so fucking much!! I felt so safe when I was with him... safe from the world... safe from myself. Like as long as I was in his arms I couldn't hurt me. All I want right now is to  be in his arms again... 

I'm not going to go on too much more about this. I wrote three pages about it this morning and couldn't stop thinking about him all day. Crap. At least I'm not as upset as before.

Here's a post from a conversation I had with him a few months ago (C convo). There's a little background info in there too.
Since then, we've talked only a few times and we were joking around... yeah, not going into it... but I miss him.
I hate feelings.
I want them to stop.

I had 3 meals yesterday!! Progress!! And I wasn't SUPER upset about it. Today I only had dinner. I may have a little bit of a snack later. I bought a few groceries (cereal type stuff) so that I have some food when my parents are here next weekend and they don't ask why there's no food. I'll ask them to bring a few fresh things up with them also. I'm hoping that they stay overnight so we can go into the city the next day and do something but who knows. I doubt J will come, this will be the first of my shows she's missing (I think). But whatever.

I finally saw "No Strings Attached" last night. I can not tell you how much I loved it!! I could totally see myself as Emma a lot of the time. 

I was just laughing by myself in my room... like full on cracking up! I think it's good when you can laugh by yourself, or at yourself (even when you're alone). I make myself laugh all the time. I trip over things, think I'm getting attacked by birds, circle mailboxes because I'm not 100% sure how they work. It's all good. It's those little things that make me who I am. 

Oh. And my AC is leaking... like a lot. It could be a possible reason for the buggies. ICK. Okay, peace.

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