First off... I decided to start therapy because things have been going well and I want to keep them going in that direction. I am facing a fear of therapeutic trauma and my supervisor has, in so many ways, inspired me to take better care of myself and not be ashamed of what that may mean.
So after a conversation (by which I mean my mom talking and me just taking it all in like a brick wall) this morning... I got to thinking.
She told me that she wants to put me in a residential facility. AKA get rid of me. Cool.
It won't happen... not if I have anything to do with it... but anyway it for me thinking about recovery and things. What I'm going for right now in terms of recovery has nothing to do with how much I am eating, but having a HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP with food.
Once that is accomplished. I can work on how much... although, I think by having a healthier relationship to food that will work itself out.
And then from there, I can get the NEDA symbol tattoo (I'm still liking the back of my neck for placement but not a huge tattoo). I was, for a while, toying with the idea of designing it into a dragon's tail or something and I just got a message from J saying she wants to hide the NEDA symbol in a butterfly tattoo on her hip. Gee... thanks for stealing my idea. I can't stand that. I'll get over it.
I'm doing okay despite my mother wanting to send me away. I was a little upset about it this morning when it happened but I didn't let it get to me too much, I'm not over thinking it, and I'm just going to let it go. As I am the tattoo thing.
Oh... also, I am currently not seeing any therapists. Hours don't fit with the guy at school and I didn't like the woman here at home (where I have been staying and commuting to work). I don't know if/when I will be going back but now, as you can see, my mom is really wanting me back in therapy... intensive therapy... she said this has been going on for too long.
Sorry I can't speed up the recovery process.