Feeling a little sad right now... not happy with my body, but I think I've lost. I haven't been tanning in forever. I'm white as fuck and have huge bags under my eyes.
I'm moving back to my apartment tomorrow... classes start Monday. I think I'm a bit nervous... being on my own and all. I dunno...
But I'm on my way to bed. I feel like I've been really negative lately... and I do think a huge part of it has to do with 9/11. My fear of people leaving me. Being home alone on 9/11 the first time it hit my that I almost lost my dad... thinking of all the other times I came so close to loosing him... not having J, the one person I ever hung out with when I was home around. Being alone... alone with the feeling of how close I came to loosing someone... I think I need to accept that that's a lot...
I'm nervous about starting individual therapy... I dunno if it's gonna help. I dunno what it's gonna do that's gonna help...
I love autumn... it's my favorite season... but I love it even more when I'm in a body I like and wearing cute clothes. It's not as much fun this way... I just feel so tired all the time.
I'm sorry I haven't been very positive... I'm working on it. There's just so much going through my head all the time.
And I really wish I had someone to cuddle with tonight... I hate sleeping alone... and sometimes Teddy just isn't enough. I like to be wrapped up in the other persons arms...
Anyway... goodnight lovelies <3
I will try to get back to reading everyone's blog when I'm back at school... sorry I've been so terrible about that. I love you all though.
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