Saturday, September 24, 2011


I'm so torn between wanting to recover and wanting to die.

On one hand- I hate feeling so sick all the time, I hate fighting myself, I that the simplest things in life are the hardest for me...

But on the other hand- I'm thinking if I could just starve myself so I was thin again, not to death, but just very thin, and with a really weak heart... then I could just down a bottle of pills be done with it. Like, I just want to be sick enough than any suicide attempt would be sure to be successful.

I would do something I really enjoy... have the best night of my life... and then- POOF! I'm gone.


  1. I always get so sad for you when reading your Blog. I'm very sorry you feel so bad all the time. I don't pity you - I just feel sad for you. No one deserves to go through all this shit. Just remember, you're not doing it alone. We're all here for you, with you!
    Stay strong girl. Some way, everything is going to work out. I hope...

  2. Stay strong lady. Somehow things will get better I'm sure. I know the feeling of fixing things being too much effort. :( Strength X

  3. I know. It's a battle, a constant struggle. But you need to remember you are strong enough.

    Recovering is just that, recovering. There's no half way or middle ground. So it looks like we aren't ready yet. When you are, I'm here for you. x