Ais- you are NOT a shit friend <3 I love you!!
So... I'm not going to say much right now... I'll just say that yesterday was hard. For all of my ABers, you may or may not have read my thread (I marked it as triggering so don't read it just to read it).
It was just the first time I was feeling how 9/11 affected me emotionally I guess.
I had another attempted purge, which hasn't happened in a long time... but again, it was attempted. I end up doing nothing more than gagging myself and spitting a lot... which then makes me feel like a failure because I can't even purge right.
I was very lonely last night which was not helping the situation... I needed to get out but there was no one I could go out with... and for once it wasn't because of food (well, I guess it never really is... kind of... but I knew what the real issue was)... and I had no one to be there for me. As usual. I guess this is why I've turned to the coping mechanisms I use. They prefer isolation. I'm just allowing myself to fit into the little niche this world has made for me.
And I don't feel like I'm isolating myself at this point. I really feel like the world is isolating me...
It's fine though.
So I'm laying on my stomach on my bed right now, and it's really bothering my ribs... fuck...