Monday, September 5, 2011

I think...

I have a lot more social anxiety than I realized...

I took an online test also... well multiple... and they all say it's not a diagnosis (obviously) but that it's highly likely I do have some sort of social anxiety disorder...

Things that I do...

  • hold my breathe when close to another person so they won't feel me breathe on them
  • avoid situations with more than one person who is not already a close friend of mine
  • I have an extreme lack of any sort of social life
  • constantly answer with "I don't know" because I don't want to be judged...
  • pinch myself in public situations just so I have something else to focus on
  • I'm always early places but I will drive around or take the long way so it looks like I'm not too early
  • if I ever end up saying/doing something awkward, I can spend days thinking about it wishing I could undo it
  • I hate having to call people I don't know on the phone
  • I'm constantly spraying myself with body spray because I think I smell bad and I don't want other people to smell me... 
  • I never know what to say
  • when I do know what to say I can't get it out so I end up not saying anything
  • I hate being the one to start a conversation all the time
  • when I'm out and I see someone I know (like at a store or something) I tend to run the other direction/hide behind something
  • I can't really eat in public (may be more ED related...)
  • I can't make friends...
There are more... I dunno... maybe I'm just over-reacting. I don't want to look too much into it cause I don't want to start diagnosing myself with shit. I'll talk to my therapist about it when I start back up in a few weeks.

This might sound dumb but can you like... develop social anxiety disorder? Like, I feel like I didn't have so many of these problems until high school/college... I had friends until I lost them in high school... Ugh... I dunno.

1 comment:

  1. i think...we're all a little bonkers. i've stopped trying to find names for the silly mindsets i find myself in. i carry body spray with me as well, &brush my teeth 39448576485686478568864 times a day. hopefully your therapist can give you some tips. til then, find something to do to get out of your head for a bit. stay strong, darling.