I think...

I have a lot more social anxiety than I realized...

I took an online test also... well multiple... and they all say it's not a diagnosis (obviously) but that it's highly likely I do have some sort of social anxiety disorder...

Things that I do...

• hold my breathe when close to another person so they won't feel me breathe on them
• avoid situations with more than one person who is not already a close friend of mine
• I have an extreme lack of any sort of social life
• constantly answer with "I don't know" because I don't want to be judged...
• pinch myself in public situations just so I have something else to focus on
• I'm always early places but I will drive around or take the long way so it looks like I'm not too early
• if I ever end up saying/doing something awkward, I can spend days thinking about it wishing I could undo it
• I hate having to call people I don't know on the phone
• I'm constantly spraying myself with body spray because I think I smell bad and I don't want other people to smell me... 
• I never know what to say
• when I do know what to say I can't get it out so I end up not saying anything
• I hate being the one to start a conversation all the time
• when I'm out and I see someone I know (like at a store or something) I tend to run the other direction/hide behind something
• I can't really eat in public (may be more ED related...)
• I can't make friends...

There are more... I dunno... maybe I'm just over-reacting. I don't want to look too much into it cause I don't want to start diagnosing myself with shit. I'll talk to my therapist about it when I start back up in a few weeks.

This might sound dumb but can you like... develop social anxiety disorder? Like, I feel like I didn't have so many of these problems until high school/college... I had friends until I lost them in high school... Ugh... I dunno.