So it turns out I am much more anxious than I ever realized... and my anxiety is holding me back more than I thought.
Yesterday we were talking about how a person can mentally keep up, but anxiety holds them back socially... they don't act on what they're telling themselves because they are too anxious... or by the time they are going to act... it is too late and therefore they don't.
Finally it makes sense!! This is totally what happens to me. I don't understand why because I really don't care what people think of me... but subconsciously I guess I don't want to embarrass myself because I tend to be a bit of a moron. I know when I was thinner, social situations did not make me so anxious... because I didn't look as stupid if I looked good... but now I'm just dumb and look like shit. Is this making any sense? I dunno, I've kind of always known this. But now I have the new information that I do have much more anxiety than I realized... and that anxiety is holding me back.
I guess this explains the chest pain I've had my whole life too. Makes sense... I always understand things on a body level first... my body has always known I was anxious, but my brain didn't.
Funny thing is... when it was just my body, it didn't stop me. Not that I can remember at least. Huhh... oh well... learn somethin' new everyday.