Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Please read...

******I AM NOT PRO-ANA******

I am trying to recover from a serious eating disorder and even though it may seem like something else, I do not encourage unhealthy behaviors. Eating disorders are mental illnesses that I would not wish upon my worst enemy. I am extremely aware of both the healthy and unhealthy behaviors that I take part in and am at the point in my recovery where I can admit to them, but still engage in them.

I know on occasion I may talk about how little I have eaten and how happy it makes me.
I do go through and read every comment on my blog, I also take them all very seriously. If there were any
"pro-ana comments", I am sorry but for myself and for my followers who are also in recovery or who have an ED and are struggling, I have to delete those.

If you want to follow my blog, that is great, I love every single one of my followers, honestly... and even more so the ones who take the time out to comment and let me know they are following along and who offer support. But I do not need any support to continue in my eating disordered behaviors. 

Yes... I may follow some pro-ana blogs. But that does not mean I agree with them. At this point in my recovery... I'm actually not sure why I still follow them. I know at first it was to hang on to that last little piece of my problem... but I think I'm ready to let go of that piece. 

I have been working my ASS off to recover and to learn to fall in love with life. I have been fighting myself every damn day. Telling myself I ate too much, knowing I really didn't eat enough, binging because I'm lonely, hating myself for binging, tearing the house apart looking for razors, knowing that cutting doesn't solve anything... I have  been fighting against suicidal thoughts for almost a decade now... all the while slowly killing myself.

I have physical scars that I see every single day of my life to remind me of the pain I've put myself through. I am at the point in my life, where things are... okay... but I know that if I ever, EVER, let myself get to the point I was at last year (and many times before) that I will not be able to get myself out of it. I have been way past rock bottom... and I know that I do not have the strength or energy to pull myself out of that again. I just can't do it.

I'm sorry if this seems a little angry... I'm really not. Not at any of you... at myself and everything I'm fighting against... but I would appreciate it if there were no pro-ana comments left on my blog from now on.

Feel free to follow. Feel free to comment.
But please, keep in mind that I (as well as many of my followers) are in recovery and such comments can be triggering.

No comments:

Post a Comment